Be Your Own Advocate

As a lawyer, I know a thing or two about advocating. The most important lesson I have learned, however, is not how to advocate for a client but how to effectively advocate for myself. Interestingly, I learned more about advocating for myself via my mental illness than I ever did in law school. I'm not knocking law school – instead, I believe that learning how to fight the Beast that is suicidality is an example of trial by fire that made me a better advocate because I was fighting for my life. I still fight that fight each and every day - whenever the Beast raises its ugly head.

I advocate on the subject of mental illness on two levels: as I mentioned above, I advocate to keep myself alive (the most important advocacy work any of us will ever do). I also advocate for my (and others') mental health care. These themes run throughout my blog and are often intertwined. Keeping yourself alive and protecting your and others’ mental health rights are at the heart of personal advocacy.  If you are struggling with both areas of advocacy, start with the most important battle: the one for your life. Without you (or me), this blog serves no purpose.

I advocate for my mental health. Every. Single. Day. I advocate for my well-being every time I attend an appointment with one of my treaters every time I pick up my medication at the pharmacy. I also advocate for myself and others with my blog and also with my mental health conditions whenever I tell the doctors and nurses in the ER that it is just as imperative that I get my psych meds as my medicine for my diabetes. That information is met with many blank stares, obvious disinterest, and sometimes even downright disgust.

Sometimes, however, you hit the jackpot: many years ago, a nurse stopped by my room in the ER with my meds for my diabetes, and I asked where my psychotropic meds were (I was being admitted to the psych floor, but there were no beds, so I was stuck in limbo in the ER). He shrugged. I proceeded to explain how important and lifesaving they were. I wasn’t angry or argumentative; I was just merely stating facts. He left without saying much, and I thought, "Oh well, I tried." A good bit later, he returned with all my psychotropic meds! I later learned that he had walked roughly a mile to the pharmacy and back to get me my meds. I considered that a double victory – I got my meds AND I taught someone something about treating those with mental illness.

Unfortunately, those best suited to advocate on behalf of those with mental illness are those with mental illness. Let me unpack that sentence: those of us with mental illness are acutely aware of what those with mental illness need – but are often ill-equipped to fight for their cause. 

Why? Because they're in an intensive inpatient/outpatient treatment program, or their concentration and ability to focus and stay on track is sufficiently compromised, or they don't have the energy, or their mental illness is not under control, or their illness is sufficiently severe that even getting up in the morning is a battle all its own.  

Advocating on behalf of those (including me) with mental illness is a passion of mine. Sadly, because of my illness's unpredictable trajectory and my inability to tolerate much stress, I'm unable to work in the advocacy field. Rather, I work on this blog and my manuscript. I would like to help others navigate the mental health care system more than on a one-off basis, but the funny thing is employers – even employers who knowingly hire people with mental illness – do not cotton well to employees taking unscheduled "vacations."

Given my two suicide attempts, I am very lucky to be sitting here writing this. And I freely admit that I fight the Beast every day – it’s not relegated to a thing of my past. Am I always grateful to be alive? No, I am not. I've learned that I must fight for my life most when I feel the least like fighting: THAT is how I stay alive. And I will advocate, in ways large and small, as I can, as I believe advocating for others helps me best advocate for myself. My advice, should you take it? Fight for what you believe in, and most importantly, fight for yourself: you're worth it.