Fear of Failure (and Other Things)

So, the Fear of Failure: it harms us in more ways than one would think. It doesn’t just keep us stuck in old, negative patterns – it actually keeps us from the joys of moving forward. Failure itself can be devastating – but the fear of failure can deprive us of so much more. Now, a healthy amount of actual failure is not terminal – and there is often nothing more rewarding than achieving success after a failure or two (or more). Remember what Albert Einstein said, “Failure is success in progress.” It’s the fear of failure that is crippling.

It must be noted that the fear of failure is tied to the fear of success. It is imperative to identify what success means to each individual. So, what is success, and how do we measure it? I argue that success means little without the juxtaposition of failure – if you’ve never failed, you, rather paradoxically, don’t really know the sweetness of success.

Sometimes success is easy to measure: did you score high enough on your SATs to gain entrance to the school of your choice? Sometimes it’s harder, say in sports with subjective judging, such as ice skating, gymnastics or horseback riding competitions.

The most sublime form of success may very well be achieving a personal success that only you know about. What we hold dear, close to our hearts, may be very different than what somewhat else’s view of our success is. Mine might be getting a blog out every other week – someone else’s might be having the book read for their monthly book club, studying for that big exam – or trying out for the Olympics. We all have or have had dreams of success at some point, but they often get snuffed out by the fear of failure.

One of the Beast’s favorite disguises is as the fear of failure, an incarnation that costs us dearly. It causes us to dash our hopes and dreams often when they are so nascent that they are hardly formed – we stop dreaming of what might be and dwell only in the land of what is, not what could be. We stop dreaming altogether.

If the Beast had another name, it would be “Killer of Dreams, Instiller of Fear”. While fear legitimately motivates some people, for most, it morphs into a fear of failure that often results in a crippling inability to perform. Fear of failure is not just limited to the activity in which it first arose; for many, the fear of failure becomes globalized, and it becomes chronic.

Failure actually taught me to try harder, to dig my feet in, to focus on success. I was one of the lucky ones who was failure-driven, not paralyzed by the fear of failure. It wasn’t until years later, however, that I began to value the lessons learned at home more than the blue ribbon at a horse show. I learned a lot about failing – falling down, getting up, dusting myself off (quite literally when I fell off my horse) to try, try again. If anything, failure can make your eventual success that much sweeter - if it doesn't make you give up first.

The fear of failure and the Beast are interwoven – each heavily dependent on the other. The Beast feeds off of our insecurities, our shortcomings – our fears. All a sleepy Beast needs to sit bolt upright and bushy tailed is a little uncertainty. Now, am I saying you always have to know exactly where you stand – NO. But I AM saying that if you dwell in the land of failure, without realizing that success is just as much a possibility, you are handing your head to the Beast on a silver platter.

Fear of failure and fear of success both can prevent people from even trying (why try if you might fail? If you might not repeat a success?). The Beast LOVES limiting your options, making your world smaller – microscopic, really. An alternate word for the phrase “fear of failure” that may surprise you is perfectionism (but that’s fodder for another blog post).

This is the fifth and final of my furkids, Gem, and I competing at The Royal in Kansas City.