Stigma: The Deafening Sound of Silence

Journeys aren't sprints; they're marathons. Managing the Beast that is suicidality is not for the faint of heart. Instead, it is a full-time job – without benefits. Sometimes it is impossible to hold down two jobs – managing your career and fighting off the Beast. If this is true for you, and it's certainly true for me, don't beat yourself up. (I know, easier said than done.) Just remember, it's the Beast talking, not you.

So, what is the point of this blog post? It's the raw power of silence, a concept that fuels the Beast like no other, making managing your mental struggles and your paying career virtually impossible. A therapist years ago told me, when I bemoaned my lack of a job for the umpteenth time, "You HAVE a full-time job – you are managing your mental health!" This was the first time that I gave myself a break for not being able to hold down a job.

Whether you experience mental struggles or mental illness doesn't matter – for starters, mental health is on a continuum. What is vital for anyone struggling is to recognize that silence only feeds the Beast. (Speaking of mental illness, it is critically important to acknowledge the crushing weight that a mental illness can place on someone – it's often seen as a personal failing by the person with the diagnosis as well as others (shame on them).

The Beast feasts hungrily on the silence that almost always goes along with the morass of mental issues. It took me a healthy amount of time before I talked openly about being diagnosed with mental illness. I realize that not everybody wants to and that some fear their livelihoods or child custody arrangements could be at risk. While I understand those fears can be real, I urge anyone who cannot talk openly with family or friends to retain the services of a therapist who is bound to keep your secrets safe (unless, of course, you pose risk of harm to yourself or others – in those cases, your therapist is ethically bound to keep you/others safe).

It's important to note that nearly everyone thinks about suicide at some point in their lives – for most, it's a fleeting, passing thought. For those of us who make a career out of battling with the Beast, our reticence to talk about suicidality is often our undoing. Silence fuels suicidality, and we all know how much the Beast loves for us to keep everything bottled up inside.

For the average person experiencing suicidality, it is mortifying – and terrifying: there is so much shame surrounding suicide, it's ridiculous. I mentioned that I had a relative who committed suicide in something I had written, and I made her mother so upset that I took out my reference to her daughter. Sadly, it is exactly that embarrassment and shame that surrounds suicide that fuels the silence that in turn fuels the stigma that in turn fuels the silence (are you catching my drift?). It's a horrible cycle to be in – and very, very difficult to break.

Our society is so prejudiced that, for the average suicidal person, speaking up about personal experiences with the Beast is simply too scary. They realize their admission of their predilection for suicidality is likely to be met with anxious laughter, claims that they aren't really serious – or worse, dead silence (horrid pun intended). People have a biological drive for survival. Those who experience suicidality often frighten others, whether those "others" are scared because they see shades of their own struggles with the Beast or who are simply too steeped in the stigma surrounding suicidality.

All I can tell you is that expressing frustration or anger at someone who is suicidal, or worse yet, has survived a suicide attempt, is fruitless at best and extremely damaging at worst. I was married at the time of my second suicide attempt – after the hospital had pumped my stomach and allowed my husband to join me in my room, he seethed with anger but mostly silence. I remember feeling angry at myself (primarily because I was still alive). And so, so ashamed. And let's just establish here the following: meeting those who have experienced the Beast in any capacity with anger is not productive. All it does is drive that person's battle with the Beast even further into the depths of the abyss of silence – and further from getting desperately needed help.

If I am permitted, here is where I give a small kernel of advice: please, please, please: if you feel suicidal, permit yourself to break the code of silence. There is power in silence, but there is even greater power in speaking out. Own that power, nurture that power, and be a beacon of hope in a dark place for others – you never know who you might influence. The Beast hates nothing more than solidarity among the masses directed at battling suicidality. The most important thing is to take the Beast's power away.